7 Snacks That Won’t Make You Stop Jerking Off

If you're doom jacking because it's the depths of winter, an attempted coup has been reduced to Mean Girls memes, and Bridgerton was too boring to watch, you'll need to keep your energy up with these victuals.

Some days, you want to see if you’ve still got the hormones of your teenage self. Can you still cum six times in a single day? Spoiler: Probably not. But maybe! Or maybe you just want to spend a day edging. After all, you’ve got the time as we all continue working from home. Just not during Zoom conference calls, OK?

But we’ve all had that lengthy session that leaves us faint with hunger when we finally nut and realize we haven’t had so much as an almond. In the interest of safety, here are 7 snacks to keep on hand for one-handed nibbles.

  1. Olives. Low in calories and high in taste, you can happily eat these little rascals with either hand—and the oil is free lube!
  2. Hard-boiled eggs. The perfect protein boost! Crack and peel one with your left hand while your right hand keeps right on pumping. This may feel a bit like patting your head and rubbing your stomach at the same time at first, but we’re all learning new skills these days.
  3. Apple slices. Before you get your dick out, slice up an apple while making coffee, then bring them to the bedroom. If you’re feeling fancy, grab a jar of peanut butter to dip them in, too! (You can start jerking in the kitchen if you like—but only if the knife work has been successfully completed. The hospitals are already too full for penile-related mishaps.)
  4. Leftover pasta. Here, we recommend switching hands! Let your non-dominant hand get used by your dick like the little sub it is, while you happily twirl pasta onto your fork with the other. This could be a little messy, but sometimes you like it hot and sloppy.
  5. Pizza. Speaking of hot and sloppy! No harm in calling in some reinforcements in the form of a delivery boy. Either he’s down to join, or all you get is pizza. That’s the definition of a win-win, right there.
  6. Carrots and hummus. Try to stay away from crackers—crumbs and cock aren’t a great combo—but you’d be hard-pressed to think of a better single-handed taste treat than this classic. And you can feel serenely healthy while you stay in bed watching porn!
  7. Yogurt. Perhaps this is a bit on the nose, but we swear by yogurt to cure a multitude of sins—including hangovers! Just drizzle a little honey over it and grab a spoon.

And of course, if you need a reason to stay in bed with your dick in one hand and a snack in the other, may we recommend new site ScoutBoys.com?

 

About W.H. Nance More Articles
W.H. Nance has been a reporter covering gay life and culture for three award-eligible decades. His work has been collected in birdcages and hoarders' garages around the country.
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