Gaymers, Assemble: Have You Beaten Off to—er, Beaten ‘Hades’ Yet?

You play a hunky, bisexual god trying to escape from your father's toxic world while he laughs at you—yeah, this Nintendo game is gay gay gay.

The Nintengays are living right now. Well, dying. Then coming back to life! Yes, we’re talking about Hades, the game in which you play Zagreus, the impossibly hot, bisexual prince of the Underworld, as you hack and slash your way through throngs of demons, goblins, and ghouls in a never-ending attempt to escape your father’s toxic kingdom. 

(Did someone say daddy issues? We did. Daddy issues.)

Every time you die, you start right back at the very beginning. You retain your skills, but it’s still a one-shot kind of mad-dash through hell to actually beat the game. You die; your dad laughs at you; you try again. It’s very 2020.

You also get to learn about horny mythology, which is something we know you all love! As the story unfolds with each failed attempt (it’s not immediately clear why you’re running away), you get to meet the Greek gods who aid you in your quest, bump elbows with forgotten heroes of yesterday, and build cheeky little relationships with (yes!) dateable NPCs. Spoiler alert: One of them is a horny little green disembodied gorgon-head housemaid.

You also get to decorate your bedroom, collect swag, and discover new weapons and areas of the house, which fills the game with a certain kind of nihilistic glee beyond the Sisyphean task at hand: running away from home while at the same time fussing about what color the drapes are in the hallway.

And beyond the flirting with Achilles slash interior design elements, the game is also super gay in that the dialogue is lush, the music is bangin’, the illustrations and landscapes are to die for, and the cartoon boys (and girls, and disembodied gorgon heads) are hot as fuckk. You’ll probably get a new phone-wallpaper boyfriend out of it. It’s super campy, plus it’s a button-masher so it’s very accessible, even to new gamers / bad-at-math bottoms. 

And it’s just $25 at the Switch store!

 

JV Marx
About JV Marx More Articles
JV Marx is a poet, performer, and raunchy kinkster camboy.
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