Jeff Bezos Goes to Space for World’s Most Expensive Skittles Commercial

Remember when the space race was a distraction from the threat of nuclear destruction? Now it's just more capitalist narcissism adding to the looming climate change.

Another billionaire went to space and all NYC got was this air quality advisory.

No, those two aren’t directly related, but it was a hard lungful of air to swallow yesterday when Jeff Bezos blasted into space in a rocket that looked roughly the size of Pierce Paris’ cock and NYC’s sun looked like a ball of hazy flame sent to scorch us into oblivion, thanks to wildfires on the west coast. And though Bezos’ flight did not cause those wildfires, the juxtaposition was so depressingly demoralizing that one longs to simply turn on Netflix, close the blinds, and assume the end of the world is nigh.

Because isn’t it? Bezos had the audacity to thank Amazon shoppers and employees for making possible Blue Origin’s 10-minute, 66.5-mile trip*, while Amazon employees can’t take 10 minutes for a bathroom break. All so he could toss Skittles in zero gravity for people to catch in their mouths? When one thinks of the financial devastation caused by last year’s shutdown and then sees a billionaire somersaulting in space for no greater reason than he wants to, well, one is reminded of the Dorothy Parker quote: “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

One is also reminded of a Marie Antoinette quote: “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche.” Just remember that Bezos would prefer if you ordered your brioche from Amazon Fresh.

*At least Bezos actually made it into internationally recognized space, unlike Richard Branson’s paltry 53-mile trip.

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