XOXO The Object of Your Rejection

Why Instagram account To the Gays I've Kinda Dated is offering closure to the ghosted, vengeance to the wronged, and hookups to the horny.

If you’re one of the thousands of people who spent the early days of quarantine scrolling through your contacts and debating contacting your exes, Sean Leviashvili has one thing to say.

“The short answer is, ‘Don’t!’”

He knows whereof he speaks. As the curator of Instagram account To the Gays I’ve Kinda Dated, he reads the missives and messages that gay and bisexual men from around the world want to get off their chests regarding their ex. That can be an ex-partner, an ex-fling, or even a one-time hookup. The point is: We all have something we need to say to the men (formerly) in our lives.

“Obviously there are universal topics that really hit home for gay men and bisexual men,” Leviashvili says. “And in 2020 everyone can relate to ghosting. Unrequited love, the joy of meeting someone, hilarious hookups. I realized this is a space for men to share these types of experiences. Some of these letters definitely are super sexual, but a lot of them are about wishing someone knew how you felt.” 

About those super sexual messages… One of the great, hilarious joys of the account are hearing about others’ randoms exual encounters, from the guy who thanked the stranger who saved him from a mugging “in so many ways” to the man who wistfully recalls a fireworks blowjob with a Disney character at Disney World. But just as joyous are Leviashvili’s captions.

Providing context, empathy, and wisecracks, Leviashvili’s commentary is what elevates the account.

“I don’t want to be crass about what they’ve been through,” he says. “My goal is to provide a space for gay and bisexual men to have their experiences validated. The letters are really a launching point for a greater conversation.” 

The account is an offshoot of To the Guys I’ve Kinda Dated, created by Leviashvili’s best friend, Rebecca. When that proved undeniably popular, To the Girls I’ve Kinda Dated quickly followed, and then came the gays. The initial idea came from a family friend of Rebecca’s, who listened to her stories of cute guys with bad breath and said, “When I was single, I’d go on a million dates and instead of getting down on the disappointment or awkwardness, my best friend and I would write letters to the guys and just send it to each other. And that was the best way for us to deal with the challenges of dating.”

And though the account helps achieve a form of closure, for some, sharing their stories has led to possible new chapters.

After Leviashvili posted a letter from a man reminiscing about having his first threesome with an Icelandic pilot and a French chemist in Reykjavik, within an hour he had an interesting reply.

“I got a message from a guy in Russia saying, ‘Hey, I’m that Russian chemist, would you mind sharing his information?’ So I screenshot it, send it to the American guy, and he goes, ‘Yep, that’s him!’ So I made a little shira between two guys who didn’t expect to meet again!”

Sometimes there’s God—and social media—so quickly.

Mark Peikert
About Mark Peikert More Articles
Previously editor-in-chief of Playbill, Backstage, and New York Press, Mark Peikert is a content creator with over 15 years of experience in publishing. In addition to his editorial work, he's also a popular moderator who has shared the stage with everyone from Angelina Jolie and Julianne Moore to John Mulaney and Tituss Burgess. Not at the same time.
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