Still Quarantined? Here’s Why You Need to Try Phone Sex.

Some days you just don't feel like getting naked on cam for a stranger.

When was the last time you dialed up to get off? Probably not for a few years—if ever—because phone sex gets a bad rap. No, it’s not women shot through gauze in late-night 1-900 commercials. And no, it’s not just the low-fi version of camming. Phone sex is where you get to be whoever you want.

There’s the matter of finding a partner, of course (isn’t there always?). If you’re on a budget, you can’t turn to Nite Flirt or any of the pay sites to stroke. Back in the day, this was almost certainly the exact reason the AOL AIM chat rooms were created: To create a fake profile, share whatever dream details about yourself you wanted to (I was often a beefy Italian man named Tony, who just wanted to bend over and get pounded by a bro), and then listen to another horny guy getting off to the exact same thing.

There are still chat sites, of course, but many of them are focused on cams. Nothing against cams! They’re also a great option for solo sessions—but the problem is that it’s more difficult to disengage on cam than on the phone. A quick click ends bad phone sex; but on cam, your partner can see your disinterest mounting (and your hardon shrinking), and for polite men that’s a real no-no. Some of us were raised right, and prefer to spare the feelings of those who get naked with us, both physically and emotionally. So cam sex, as Emily Post would tell you, is a fraught minefield of male fragility.

Ah, but phone sex! If you’re the person who insists on calling, a *69 before the number blocks yours from caller ID, and they’ll never be able to call back and yell at you for abruptly hanging up if they get weird. Because things will almost certainly get weird. This is sex, we’re talking about. And maybe it won’t be a man growling into your ear that he wants to flip you onto your back, while you legs fly into the air “like a little cockroach.” But maybe it will be! It’s happened before.

No, the true beauty of phone sex is its anonymity. Glory holes are being touted as a solution to lonely sexual explosions during COVID-19, but there’s the getting there. And do you really want COVID breath on your dick at the end of a blowjob? See, phone sex also allows you to never know the person on the other end of the line—and that goes both ways. So you had too much salt at dinner last night, and don’t feel like finding your cam angle. Or maybe you’ve given up on fighting the quarantine 15, and stripping down for strangers seems like a bridge too far. Enter 10 digits, wait for an answer, and your problems are solved.

This all gets much easier if you’re willing to splurge on guys who do it semi professionally. Nite Flirt is probably the next-known site, but it’s far from the only one. There’s a virtual menu of sexual offerings on display there, and you can make your selections based on your current mood. The almost-certainly-fake photos even give you a template for the conversation, as you mix and match your preferences with the available men.

You can also get weird yourself! You want to explore some new roleplay, without the embarrassment of trying it out for the first time face to face? Now’s your chance to be that dirty dad or curious nephew. If your partner isn’t into it, he’ll hang up and you’ll keep looking. But if he is into it, you potentially have a new bate bud. And as we all continue to self-isolate, that’s as much of a relief as getting home after visiting your parents and shooting your 5-day load.

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About Mark Durane More Articles
When he was a little boy, Mark's mother set the house on fire. (She was like that.) He'll never forget the look on his father's face as he gathered him up in his arms and raced through the burning building onto the pavement below. And he stood there, shivering in his pajamas, and watched the whole world go up in flames. And when it was all over, he said to himself, "Is that all there is to a fire?"
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